Only if i can put some magic to my story and turn it right but I can’t .Because it had happened just the exact way and it’s in my mind. Its more than 2 years now but the feelings are still inside me locked in a box and I am trying to act normal as if it is just a thing that was supposed to happen.
Ankit sah a name that changed my old corporate boring life to an exciting one. Boring Monday mornings turned into a sigh of relief that i can be with him all day now. When in weekends we used to meet only for 3 or 4 hours for a movie or dinner date. Both of us used to ditch our friends if there is any weekend trip plans. I couldn’t go a day without seeing ankit .We were the popular love birds in office at that time as we were in the same project. Everyone knew about the sneaky time that we have when everyone goes for lunch and finally we can spend some time alone with each other. I was a very bad cook but i tried to make him gajar halwa for him once after 4 hours of struggle in kitchen so that i can see that expression in his face when he is gonna eat it. I used to make him sandwich because that is the only thing I can make the best and the complement I get from him made me feel like a master chef. That was the phase of my life when I thought only if I can just stop the time and live in that moment forever.
(My first conversation with Ankit….)
Me: Hey, are you ankit?
Ankit: yes, and you must be the Anisha, right!
Me: Yeah, Sanket told you are supposed to give me a brief overview of this project.
Ankit: Oh sure i got his mail. Let me finish this PPT then we can start.
(I pulled a chair from the next cubicle and sat beside his desk..)
Within few minutes he finished his work and turned towards me.
Ankit: Anisha, U really have a nice name u know that right!
( It was a bit awkward for me .getting a complement on the first day of my project and from a guy who I just met 2 minutes before.)
Me: (I managed to put a fake smile on my face) Thank you.
After the session ended with him .I instantly stood up and was about to leave as i had to meet richa my friend who was in another project in another floor and i was supposed to go to lunch with her as it was my first day in that project and i didn’t know anybody .he asked “who are you going lunch with? You can come with us if you want.”
Me: I am going with my friend richa.
(it was clear from his face that he was a bit disappointed by my reply, maybe he wanted me to come..But why?
As if he was asking me out and I said no!!)
Ankit: okay no problem.
After i finished my lunch i returned to my seat and there he was sitting in my chair having a conversation with one of my other teammate. He saw me and stood up from the chair and passed a smile at me (why is he smiling all the time .and why at Me. he barely knows me…) I sat down and was about to unlock my PC my phone rang .it was my mom asking me if i had my lunch or not .I talked to my mom for few minutes and started reading the documents that Sanket (my manager) has given me to go through before start working .The complicated business rules and the flow charts kept me busy for good 2 hours Then I got a ping from richa asking me what time should leave as were staying in the same pg we decided to leave at 7 o clock .I was surfing some restaurants as me and richa have planned to order something .
The name Ankit sah popped up in my screen with a message “Hey”. I replied thinking maybe its something related to work or any meetings that i don’t know about .
Ankit: Are you bong? I mean are you Bengali?
(What does it matter to him if i am a Bengali. and why is he asking me this ? )
Me: Yes i am .
Ankit: Yeah i guessed it right: P . I heard you talking on the phone so asked .
(he is trying hard to make a conversation and he is cute maybe i should talk to him )
Me: Okay and you are from?
Ankit: I am a pure mumbaikar u know.
That was the first ever conversation we had in lync before we had any idea what is gonna happen next .After that day i started getting a good morning message everyday just after the moment i login to my system and I kind of liked it as he was helping me with some of my work and his sweet behavior and cute face really impressed me.
(The One in a billion moment for me ..)
It’s been more than 6 month we are in the same project. We both were so into each other. That day we had a meeting in our project and we Sanket had told him strictly not to miss that meeting as he was one of the good employees and Sanket appreciated him many times for his good work. So he wanted ankit to represent the module that he has worked on in front of the higher authorities. As i knew it was a big day for him i called him in the morning and woke him up early and i was also a bit nervous for him we both reached office at 10 or 10.30 .meeting was supposed to happen at 11.30 but for some of the reason they postponed it to 12 .i went to his desk and he was he was busy in some documents and files .he saw me and smiled .i said “don’t worry jaan. it’s gonna go well trust me.” while no body was watching i pulled his cheeks and said “all the best “ .After the meeting was over and everyone was congratulating him for the appreciation he got from the onsite team for his good work . i was really happy for him that day .
As it was Friday and i knew the next day was his birthday i had planned something so that we can spend the time together after office .He came to my desk with a big smile on his face and (uff ankit stop smiling now …or else its gonna hard for me not kissing you in front of everybody) .I gave him the sandwich that i had made for him as i knew he has not eaten anything from the morning because of the meeting .He ate that instantly and said
“Jaan you make the best sandwich. Thank you so much for this”
I said “listen i have planned something for today .can we leave a little early from office?” as i knew he has so much work to do. He said “anything for you jaan.” i can see the happiness in his face and in his innocent eyes. We didn’t realize that we were holding hands at that time and were almost lost in each other’s eyes. Suddenly i saw richa coming and i stood up from my chair and i pinched him then he realized richa was there. Richa knew him before. She always used tease me with his name .she asked me to pick some things up from the market on my way home and she knew ankit was gonna drop me but i said i will be leaving office early as i have planned something for him and i will not be able to help her. Ankit always used to drop me home in his bike it was 15 minutes walking distance to my pg but he didn’t want me to go alone and that behavior of him was really sweet.
At 6 o clock we left from office after .He started the bike and asked.
“where do you wanna go baby, and what’s your plan?”
I said “let’s go to that restaurant where we had our first date .(ankit i am gonna make this day memorable for you)
He said “hold me tight jaan m gonna fly you there “.
I always used to get angry for his reckless driving but i didn’t wanna say anything that day .we reached there just after 20 minutes. We ordered his favorite pasta and the strawberry shake that he likes for both of us .after we finished our dinner i had asked that waiter to pack some strawberry muffins as i knew he loved them. He looked at the parcel and asked what’s this jaan what’s this parcel i said i have packed something for richa. Then we left the place it was almost 10 o clock as he was staying at home i asked him to call his parents and say that he is having a housewarming party at his colleague’s house and he will not be able to come to home today. He did what i asked.
After he started his bike .i whispered in his ears “ jaan our next destination will be marine drive.”
He said “am i getting some more attention today? What’s the reason ?”
I said “you deserve it all baby. Just drive”
After 1 hour we reached our destination marine drive. it was 11.30 at that time i searched for a less crowded place there he parked his bike and came . We sat there and he was talking continuously about today’s presentation and i was dissipated in his glittery eyes. Suddenly i realize its almost 11.50 as i had set an alarm because i wanted to be the one to wish him first in his birthday..
I held his hand and said “ankit is this a dream or reality that i have found someone like you. Who understands me really well? and who is the reason to put a smile on my face every day. Whatever it is i don’t wanna loose it or you ever. Just wanna live these moments again and again in a loop just so i can be with you all the time. Wish you the happiest birthday to a person who means the whole world to me “ i took out the muffins that i had and gave him one ..he gave a peak on my chick and said
“you know me so well baby”
we both had tears in our eyes and i pulled his cheek and said
“its your birthday jaan..You deserve all the happiness in the world. And i want to be there for you even when i am just a part of it “
He said “Anisha you are the first person who made me feel so special on my birthday. and i have never felt this way the way i feel about you .i never wanna loose you “
I took out a key ring that had bought for him .it was craved with the letter A and i knew his favorite color so i had ordered it in purple color. He always used to misplace his bike key and always get irritated when he couldn’t find it because he didn’t have a key ring .I said
“Jaan now you don’t have to worry now you won’t misplace your key ever”
That was the best moment of my life .when i celebrated his birthday for the first time and the things i did that made him really happy and it made me happy that i am the reason of his happiness on his birthday.
(maybe it was supposed to happen…)
Just after two months of his birthday all of a sudden ankit told me he wants to go MS. He had told me before he wanted to go for higher studies but i thought he is doing so well in his job maybe he won’t leave his job for studies .Maybe he dropped the idea of going for higher studies. I used to get scared by the thought of him going away from me. I had asked his tons of times about his further future plans but he never discussed it with me and now all of a sudden he took the decision without even asking me.
I wanted to support him fully in his decision but at the same time i didn’t want him to go anywhere. seeing ankit and spending time with him became my whole life. What am i supposed to do when he will not be here!. In my mind(i should not be selfish. I should let him go if he is gonna do something good then i don’t want to b a obstacle in his future.).At first i tried hard to convince him to drop the decision but i couldn’t. He was as stubborn as a child not to listen anything i am saying. Those days we used to have a lot of arguments regarding his decision. He used to get angry on every little things. I thought maybe that’s because he is in lot of a pressure for work and studies. I used to feel guilty as if i am the reason of his anger .
(One of those sleepless nights that i had spent crying after having an argument with ankit)
Me: jaan can you please talk to me just for 10 minutes. These days you are avoiding me a lot for your studies. Are your studies really important than me ?.Its been more than a month that we have spent some quality time with each other
Ankit: Anisha why do you call me at this time u know i have to study. And i am just going abroad for 2 years and after that i will be back .Its no big deal.
(ankit you don’t understand i am not gonna able to wake up in the morning having a thought that i am not gonna see you today.)
( i kept my feeling s to myself )
Me: baby u had a lot of work today .u go to sleep now i will wake you up in the morning .good night .love you
Ankit: thank you but don’t forget to call .remember it 6 o clock
(i used to get up early so that i can talk to him just for 5 minutes peacefully before he gets busy with his studies and work).
Instead of having a insecurity and a fear of him going so far away from me i convinced myself that it’s just a matter of distance .He is gonna come back after two years .i have to keep patience and support him in his decision.
I remembered the exact date when his results are gonna be getting out. He didn’t come to office that day .I called him so many times but he didn’t pick up. In the evening he called and told me his result. I wanted to ask him why he didn’t pick up my call .But i didn’t wanna spoil his happiness with a stupid question. Just after 20 days he filed his resignation from the company .When he told me he was going to file the resignation paper that day .i had tears in my eyes but i thought i have more 5 months with him till the day he is in Mumbai .i can spend some time with him.
I had planned to make each n every day memorable for him till he leaves Mumbai. I used to skip office and go out with him. I used to go shopping with him. But i did feel a gut feeling inside me that maybe its the last time that i am holding his hand or maybe its the last time that i am able to see him in front of me. Maybe this fairy tale that i was living is gonna end soon. I kept those things to myself and that time with him flew like a second .I didn’t realize its just 4 days away that ankit is gonna go to a place far far away from me and i will not be able to see him. The day before he was leaving i called him up and asked him to meet .I finished my work and packed some muffins for him on my way .I just wanted to hold him for one last time .I just wanted to kiss him for one last time just wanted to have the feeling that he is looking into my eyes and telling me “ jaan i love you so much “ for one last time before he goes.
ME: Baby, you are gonna go so far from me .how am i gonna live without you here .I will miss you so so much .
Ankit: jaan don’t worry .i am here only in your heart. I am going away for some days and i will be back before you know .Love you so much.
The next day his flight was at 12 o clock . i have decided not to go to the airport as i cant see him going but that night i couldn’t sleep and. I couldn’t control my tears i called him and said “i want to see you ankit .and i am coming to the airport” he was really happy by my phone call . I skipped office and went straight to the airport i saw him coming with his parents and some of his friends .I met him and gave him the sandwich that i had made for him .He pulled my cheeks and said “thanks Anisha and keep missing me “. I was standing there watching him going my hands were shaking my body was almost numb it felt like that was the end of something.
Ankit had told me about the group of friends he had in his college .Those days we used to talk for 5 or 10 minutes because of his hectic schedule of classes. We hardly talked for 3 or 4 times in a week .Its been more than 6 months he is in Canada. I was back to my old boring life but he was enjoying a lot with his friends and i was happy for him. He used to send me pictures of the places he was going and his friends. I was a little bit of jealous of his friends that he is spending so much time with them and here i am dying to see him. Rahul was one of my cousins friend was in his group but i never really talked to him ever. But he knew about me and ankit .
I have not used social networking sites for months .That day i came from office and opened my fb account to see some pictures that my brother has sent me of our new house. i was scrolling down through the news feeds i saw a post of ankit with a girl names Sikha mishra .and ankit has posted the picture in his account having a tag line “Time travels so fast when i am with you “. My heart skipped a bit seeing that picture of both of them and i started crying .i called ankit and asked him about the picture .
He said “there is nothing like you are thinking .And we are just good friends .its just that i am a bit close to her than i am to rest of the people in the group”
I shouted in anger “what the hell ankit .Are you trying to cheat on me ? why would you post a picture of both of you in facebook. Didn’t you think of once how would i feel about it!?”
Ankit: listen Anisha i don’t have time for this bullshit now .and i am not supposed to give you every updates about my life.i am not a child.
Then he cut the phone .I kept calling him again and again .I kept texting him saying sorry that maybe i over reacted .i kept crying all night because he was not picking up my call .i asked ritu to call him ..he didn’t pick up her call also. After 2 days he called back and said “do you have anything to say ..And stop asking ritu to call me .” I said “ i am sorry jaan ..really sorry.i would never say those things again.”
Ankit: Anisha if you don’t trust me then we can’t be together.
(why he is talking like this ..its normal any girl would have behaved the same way that i did after seeing a picture of his boyfriend with some other girl )
Me:i do trust you jaan .that was a mistake i am really sorry.
After that we used to had arguments over some stupid things .He was not even ready to listen to me .He used to cut the phone in the middle of the conversation . And i was the one crying whole night blaming myself for all the things .After some days i started talking to rahul just to know that how is ankit doing cause we hardly talked for minutes in months .he used to avoid me all the time .i came to know from rahul that sikha and ankit are spending a lot of time together. It was killing me listening to those things but i wanted to know everything .Somehow ankit came to know that i was talking to rahul .Ankit called me that evening .
Ankit :did you talk to rahul?
Ankit: and what did he tell you ?
Me: The things that you never told me .
Ankit: Isn’t it enough that you spoil my mood every time i talk to you.And you are asking my frinds about me .Do you know how embarrassing it is ..You are not my parents .i can’t leave my friends just because of you.i don’t think its working anymore between us .Lets end this.
Me: i was out of words after listening to him .Ankit what did you say ! how can you even say this !.. are your friends really important than me ??
Ankit: Listen Anisha don’t call me ever again . i cant take this drama anymore of you and your complains .Let me live my life.
He cut the phone after that he never picked up my call i tried call him again and again. That phase of my life has ended .i have attempted suicide after that but luckily i survived all thanks to ritu who saw me holding a bottle a spirit in my hand and slapped me hard and took me out from the washroom. It was ritu only who took care of me those days .she was the only friend i had .she used to sit beside me and hug me when i couldn’t sleep at nights telling me everything’s gonna all right .Later i came to know from rahul that ankit was in a relationship with that girl from his class.
After That i left Mumbai .i wanted to go somewhere where nothing can make me remind of him .And i can finally be free from the shitty feeling that i have inside me .I left that company and fortunately i got selected for another big company with a good salary. I left every memories that i had with him and moved on to a new life .Maybe this was supposed to happen and I realized. God has a different way of telling you what is supposed to be in your life and what’s not .Good things don’t last forever and if you think you are at your best just wait its ending soon. And it makes you face the reality of life .Its you who decides whether its “the end” or “beginning of a new story”.
The End 🙂